Wishing for a Rainbow

I’m having some what of a bad night.  All I can think about is Ryan. I miss my little boy so much. I am just about a month away from what would have been my due date. The reality that he is gone from this Earth and not still growing inside of me is hard to deal with. I looked at his pictures last night and just thought about what a beautiful little boy I was blessed to have. I only wish he was mine to hold and to love, and to watch grow up here on Earth.

I know that Ryan can never be replaced. There is a hole in my life that feels like it gets wider every day. I want to be a mother so badly that I ache with the need at times. My arms yearn to hold a happy, healthy little one. I want to place kissed on cheeks, and sing lullabies. My time with my son was so short that I feel robbed. I pray every day to be blessed again with another beautiful child.

I take my role as an angel mother very seriously. My first-born will always be in my heart. But at times I can’t help but yearn for a new baby. I want my rainbow.

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